


Figuring It Out

by subwayfeelsandwhiskey



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:00:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27395365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subwayfeelsandwhiskey/pseuds/subwayfeelsandwhiskey
Summary: Matt and Karen hope for the best as they try to repair their friendship but when their feelings for each other won't go away it complicates matters. Matt struggles balancing his personal life and Daredevil as he continues battle himself internally.
Relationships: Matt Murdock/Karen Page
Comments: 28
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is my first fanfic. Really loved Karen and Matt in season three. They had so much potential. Hopefully Daredevil is picked up by Hulu #savedaredevil but until then this is how I imagined things working out after season three.

Karen sighed and ran a hand through her hair, she was exhausted. The funeral had been painful for more than just the obvious reasons. She still bore the guilt over Father Lantoms death, as she had been unable to stop the constant replay of events from that night at the church. The fear and impending doom of her death delivered by Poindexter. Instead she had lived, but not without a cost. It was a cost that Matt had to live with for the rest of his life. She wasn’t exactly sure just how deep their relationship had been, but hearing the speech Matt had given earlier today had given her a pretty good idea. It added more fuel to the fire that was her guilt. 

But now, she had something to look forward to. Nelson, Murdock & Page to be exact. A dream they all shared and were willing to risk together. She had no idea how they were going to manage but all they cared about was being together again, as a family. 

Taking a deep breath she collected herself and got ready for bed. She couldn’t remember the last time she had gotten a good night's sleep. It was almost a week since they put Fisk away but the nightmares kept her up. It was always the same. Poindexter. The church. The Bulletin. And in the end, her death. She would wake screaming, grasping her chest where the baton had hit her instead. The dreams reminded her of the ones she had after she had killed Wesley. Except Fisk had always been the villain in those. 

She climbed into bed and laid there with wide eyes. Afraid of sleep. She didn’t know how long she’d been laying like that but she was startled at the sound of knocking. She jumped out of the bed and headed for her purse on the dresser. She frantically pulled out her gun. Her heartbeat was erratic and fast. Unreasonable suspicion arose in her. Was it Poindexter? Fisk? But it could be none of them because they were gone. Who else would be knocking on her window at this hour? Then she realized who it was before she saw him and put down the gun. She walked to the front room to see Matt standing on the fire escape. Scoffing she quickly walked over and opened the unlocked window. 

Matt slowly climbed in then closed the window. “You should start locking your windows.”

Trying to lower her heart rate she spoke breathlessly. “You scared the shit outta me.”

He was in his Daredevil clothes, except they were different...more tight. He had body pads and thick gloves on, giving him more protection than before but not even close to what the red suit had given him. 

“Sorry I-I thought I’d knock first.” He said awkwardly and slid the mask off his face to reveal his eyes and messy hair.

Karen just studied him with a hard look on her face and nodded. She turned and walked away with Matt eventually following her. She stopped once she reached the couch and sat down, pulling her knees to her chest. “Everything okay?”

He cautiously walked into the living room and remained standing besides the fact that there was plenty of room on the sofa. “Yeah I...” He stopped and suddenly felt that his reason for coming here and waking her was stupid. “Lot on my mind I guess.”

Karen’s eyes softened when she saw the vulnerability on his face and spoke softly. “You wanna talk?” He gave a small nod and stiffly sat down next to her. She gave him time to speak but they sat there in silence. Him seemingly unable to find the words. She frowned in concern, “You okay Matt?” She realized how stupid of a question that was and scoffed at herself, shaking her head. “Sorry. Stupid question.”

“I um...I’ve been thinking.” He shifted in his seat like he was uncomfortable and leaned forward placing his forearms on his knees. “I’m struggling to understand why.”

She wished the lights were on so she could see his face better. “What do you mean?”

“The way I’ve treated you...you and Foggy, and yet you both still want me in your life.” He was referring to earlier that day when the three of them had decided together to become partners. 

Karen squeezed her legs tighter to her chest and looked out the window in thought. “You and Foggy were the first people I met after I left Vermont that made me feel…at home.” She smiled at him and saw him curl his lip into an almost smile. “Despite how much of an asshole you’ve been lately, I don’t intend to abandon you anytime soon.” She was teasing him but she was truly still hurt from his action. 

“I’m sorry.”

Karen sighed and picked at the loose string on her sweatpants. “I know you had your reasons. You can tell me when you're ready.” Matt nodded in agreement and became silent once more. “You've been different ever since...” 

Matt knew exactly what she was talking about. He was still recovering emotionally and mentally. His faith in God had been restored along with his faith in the justice system but there was still a part of him missing. He didn’t know if he would ever feel like himself again. “I don’t mean to seem distant.”

Karen was reminded of their conversation down in the crypt that felt like a million years ago. She tilted her head and looked at him hopefully. “Is now the time to have that conversation?”

Matt laughed for the first time, “Well at least no one’s trying to kill us.”

Karen smirked at the sound of his laugh. It felt so good to hear it, not long ago he was believed to be dead and now he was sitting across from her laughing. It felt surreal.

“You don’t have to push me away anymore. I never judged you for who you are. For who daredevil is. What made me upset was the never ending stream of lies.”

Matt thought back to how he had promised to never lie to her again. He had broken that promise so fast, he doubted his word had any meaning to her anymore. “You make me want to be better Karen.” 

“I’m no saint.” She said bitterly. 

Matt tuned his head to her then hung it. They hadn’t spoken about Wesley or her brother since that night but they knew neither of them were ready for that conversation. 

He repeated his words from years ago. “All we can do is move forward. Together.”

She smiled and reached out and grabbed his hand. He squeezed it and they sat there. Looking forward to the future.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a month since the funeral and they are finally settled into their new office above Nelson’s Meats. Karen and Foggy are concerned about Matt as he is still struggling to open up to them and is low key still depressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So this will be a multi chapter fic but there will be time jumps in between most chapters. This one is about a month after the funeral.

Karen finished unpacking the last of her boxes and rolled her achy neck. It was freezing outside and the holiday season was looming over them. Another holiday and another reminder of her lost family. She didn't normally let her herself think of her dad but her thoughts went to the phone call she had with him over a month ago. She had been desperate, scared, and in pain but he had been so cold to her. So unfeeling. His words lingered in the back of her mind, “That's what you do Karen.”

She was pulled out of her head when Foggy came through the door with the last of his stuff. He plopped it down on his desk and looked around. “Where’s Matt?”

Karen sighed, “Don’t know. He said he’d be right back but didn’t tell me where he was going.” 

Foggy walked over to her and whispered, “Is it time we talked with him?”

Karen and Foggy had been worried about Matt lately. He was closed off and offered the bare minimum to conversation. He would spend his evenings at Josies with them but would always leave early, offering up half ass excuses even though they both knew he was going out again. It’s been a month since Father Lantoms funeral and the napkin. They had been anxious to get the firm up and running but they all had loose ends to tie up. Foggy had quit his job much to the disappointment of Hogarth and Karen turned down Ellison for the second time. Matt had been busy distracting himself from his pain by punching and training and finding the money to pay Karen back. 

Matt never volunteered to talk about his nightly activities but he was showing up with bruises and cuts on a regular basis now. Karen struggled the most with keeping her mouth shut but she had seen just how much he had bled for this city. It pained her to think of his scars. In the short amount of time she had known he was Daredevil before Midland Circle, he had given it up. She didn’t know how to behave around him while he was actively being Daredevil. 

The city had calmed down by now after Fisk was put away and everyone now knew that the real Daredevil was still out there. Thanks to Brett, he had identified Poindexter as the imposter Daredevil and had given credit to Matt as the one who had taken down Fisk. There were reports everyday, stories printed and published on Daredevil's latest heroics. It seemed Matt had reclaimed his status as Hell's Kitchens own hero. She had set alerts on her phone for every article and news story that had to do with Daredevil. If he wasn’t letting her into his world then she would learn another way. 

“Karen?” 

She had almost forgotten that Foggy was there. “Sorry. Just thinking.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” 

Foggy looked like her didn’t believe her but decided not to press. “So what do you think? Should we talk to Matt?”

Karen scoffed and rolled her eyes, “Like he'd listen.”

“This is more than just our friendship, we have a business to protect.”

Karen knew he was right and nodded. She and Foggy had been texting and calling the past couple of days in concern over Matt. Worried that he was pushing himself too far, too soon. They didn't need Matt to admit that he was still physically and emotionally vulnerable. He was still recovering from having a building fall on him for christ sake. 

“Did you hear about last night?” This morning Karen had gotten a story alert on Daredevil saving this little girl from a burning building last night. The firefighters couldn’t find a way into the building but Daredevil did. Karen knew his senses gave him that advantage. It wasn't his usual hero scene, as he preferred to punch criminals in the face till they landed themselves in the hospital but she knew more than anyone that if someone needed help, Matt was the first one to volunteer.

Foggy nodded thoughtfully, “Yeah. I did.”

“He's limping today. Didn't say anything about it.”

“It's just Matt, you know?” He saw the look on her face, “He's never not going to be hurt Karen.”

Karen went to defend herself, “I know that it's just-” She stood up to stand in front of her desk and crossed her arms. “I’d like for him to talk to us. I hate being in the dark about it.”

“Exactly why we need to talk to him.”

“Okay, fine. We playing good cop, bad cop?” Karen smirked.

Foggy laughed, “You're definitely the good one.”

“I can be tough.”

“Oh I know just how much of a badass you can be.” 

Matt walked in at that moment, with a bakery bag in hand. He had heard the end of their conversation so he knew they were teaming up to confront him. He left his cane by the door and walked to his desk. “I got bagels. Figured you miss all the free food Foggy.” 

There he was again, Karen thought, trying his best to repair their friendship. Despite his distance, he was trying. “Me and Foggy need to talk to you.”

Matt put the bag down and sighed deeply, “Not getting out of this one am I?”

Karen remained firm, “Nope.”

Foggy gave a small smile, “But I will take a bagel. Thanks buddy.”

Karen took the lead. “In order for this to work we need to be honest with each other.” She took a deep breath, “Starting with Daredevil.”

“I'm going out, is that what you want to hear?”

“Cut the bullshit Matt, we know that.” He shifted uncomfortably and winched when he put too much weight on his right leg. “See? This is what we're talking about.” She gestured to his leg. “We care about you Matt. We're here to support you, so stop keeping us in the dark.”

Foggy stepped in to deescalate the situation.“What Karen is trying to say is, we'd like to know if you're okay. It's a little unnerving buddy to hear about you on the news and get zippo from you.”

“You never liked when I talked about it.” Matt started to get defensive again.

“Well yeah, it's different this time. Karen's involved now and we're trying to build something here.”

Karen stared at him, analyzing him. “Things fell apart last time because you hid stuff from us, important stuff.”

“That won't happen again. I promise.” Matt meant it. 

Karen still felt skeptical and Foggy didn't know what else to say.

“Look Matt, me and Karen are just worried about you. All we’re asking for is a little cooperation.”

He wanted nothing more than to be open with them but he wasn't sure if he was ready. Things between the three of them were gradually healing and the last thing he wanted was to worry them unnecessarily. It was one thing for them to know he was Daredevil and another to be involved with Daredevil. Foggy has known for a long time and has just now started to accept it. Karen on the other hand is a whole other story. She had fully supported him since the day he met her, they had become colleagues, friends. Foggy had become friends with him long before Daredevil was born but the only Matt Karen knew was the one fused with Daredevil. 

Matt was well aware that both parts of himself were needed for him to function. But whenever he let one part trinkle into another, bad things happened. When Foggy had found out it had almost ended their friendship and he knew that even to this day there is still a tension between them. When Elektra started interfering in his personal life she had ruined the Castle case and his relationship with Karen. This was his chance to make up for it. 

He was tired of picking pieces of himself to show and hide. “Sure Fogs.” he hoped he wouldn't regret it.

“Yes!” Foggy pulled Matt into a hug and Karen laughed.

“You two are adorable.'' Karen grabbed the bagel bag and headed into their makeshift kitchen. It had a mini fridge, microwave and coffee pot. 

Foggy pulled away, “Hey! Give me my bagel.”

Karen chuckled and proceeded to make herself a cup of coffee, “Knock yourself out.”

Foggy ate his bagel and continued unpacking some boxes. Karen decided to make a cup of coffee for Matt as a sort of peace offering. She headed to his small office.

She handed it to him, “Sorry about ambushing you.”

Matt was sorting through some files and turned his head towards her and gave a little smile, “Dont worry about it.” He accepted the coffee from her, “Thanks.”

Karen turned to leave but stopped and turned back around. He gave her a look that said she had his full attention now. She spoke to him in a quiet voice with soft eyes. “I heard about that little girl.”

Matt looked taken aback at the topic and stuttered, “Uh-yeah...she’s uh-she’s okay.”

She nodded and slowly reached for his hand that was laying on a box on his desk. His knuckles were busted and rough. She didn't care, “Are you?”

He gave her a reassuring smile and placed his other hand on top of her. “Yeah.”

Unconvinced, she decided to make herself comfortable in his office. She went around him to sit in his chair, she crossed her legs and folded her arms across her chest. She didn't press and let the silence speak for her.

Matt gave an annoyed sigh and took off his glasses. He rubbed his forehead, “I got burnt on my leg. It's fine, barley hurts.”

Karen wasn't buying. “Second or third degree?”

Matt threw his head back acting like this was the last conversation he wanted to have. “Second.”

Karen uncrossed her arms and became less tense, “Did you take care of it?”

Matt placed his hands on his hips and faced her. His voice was irritated and tired, “I said I’m fine.”

Karen leaned forward and bit her lip. She didn't mean to make him upset but something inside her told her Matt was being more reckless than usual. He wasn't taking care of himself like he should. She was even going as far to think he might be depressed. “Sorry.” She stood and went to leave. He grabbed her arm as she passed him.

“I didn't mean to snap at you.” He looked guilty. “I took care of it. Ointment and everything.” He gave her another one of those smiles. The kind that goes ear to ear and makes her heart skip a beat.

They were so close to each other so she lightly pressed a hand to his chest to keep their distance but didn’t pull away. She knew he could sense everything about her, like how her heart was racing. She so badly wanted to be near him. Moments like this made it hard to deny their attraction to each other. “I’m here, if you ever need me to you know…” She chuckled. “Patch you up or something. Maybe I could learn to stitch.” 

Matt laughed at that, “I’ll keep that in mind nurse Page.”

Karen smirked at the nickname, “Don't push it Murdock.”

They spent the rest of the day organizing and joking with each other. Finally achieving a sense of what they had had before.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple weeks have passed and the gang goes out for drinks at Josies in celebration of winning their first case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such short chapters, I swear they will get longer.

“To winning our first case!” Foggy shouted and raised his glass to meet Matt and Karen’s. 

Tonight was special since they won the case of their very first client. They were taking every case that came their way, trying to build a client base. Business was slowly picking up again after the neighborhood heard Nelson & Murdock were back. This case had been a small victory but meaningful. 

Matt’s voice broke through the chatter, “And to many more to come.”

Karen smiled, “To Nelson, Murdock & Page.”

They all had silly happy smiles on their faces as they all took a swig of their drinks. 

Foggy got up from the table. “Shots on me.”

Matt and Karen both respond with, “Shots? Really?”

As he walked away Karen fiddled with her beer bottle and leaned in Matt’s direction. “He’s trying to get us drunk Matt, but I think it’ll only backfire on him.”

Matt lifted his glass to his lips with a small smirk. “Doesn’t it always?”

She felt happy and carefree for the first time in forever. “God, this feels good. Doesn’t it?”

“It does.” 

Karen lifted the beer to her lips and asked casually, “You going out tonight?”

Matt nodded, “Yeah.”

“Do you ever take a night off?” Her being a little tipsy made her thoughts into words. 

Matt gave this some thought, “Sometimes. I don’t see a reason to.”

“Sleep. Sleep is a reason.”

Matt laughed. “Well, you’ve got a point there Miss Page.”

They spent the rest of their evening celebrating at Josies and enjoying each other's company. An effect of the alcohol in their system caused both Karen and Matt to be very touchy with each other. She kept reaching for his hand, arm or leg and he would always place his hand over hers and hold it there as long as he could before Foggy noticed. 

They were all having such a great time together laughing and reminiscing. At one point in the evening Foggy was telling her stories from when he and Matt went through a phase in college where they pulled pranks on each other. She was almost falling out of her chair in a fit of laughter. Matt was there to steady her. 

“God, I wish I knew you guys back then.”

Foggy snorted, “No you don’t. We were complete losers.”

Karen teased them, “Oh so nothings changed.”

Foggy snatched her drink, “You take that back.”

At the end of the night it was lightly snowing outside and they put on all their heavy coats, gloves and scarves. They paid for their drinks and were soon outside. Their minds were buzzing from the alcohol and laughter. 

“Dammit it’s cold.” Foggy yelled as he met the freezing air. He hailed down a cab and offered to share with them. They both declined which gave them a look from Foggy. “Suit yourselves.” Then he winked causing Karen to blush and she hoped he didn't see. 

Once he was gone, Matt and Karen stood there in comfortable silence. It felt like they had been here before. She looked over to him and smiled, “I’ll walk you home.” She didn’t wait for a response and started walking. 

Matt had tucked his cane under his arm and walked without her leading him. There was no one around and it felt wrong to pretend in front of her. They walked in complete silence until Matt broke it. “You like the snow?”

She faced him and got closer to feel the warmth his body was giving. “Yeah, reminds me of home.”

Matt had a peaceful look on his face. “Every year around this time, when the snow starts to fall, it muffles the sounds of the city. It’s calm.”

She contemplated this, “Does it bother you? The noise?”

“It can be loud but no, it doesn’t bother me.”

She was calm on the outside but felt giddy internally at him opening up to her. He was letting her into his world. She wasn’t sure why she had offered to walk him home, maybe she just didn’t want the night to end. 

They finally reached his apartment. “Here we are.” She hesitated then decided not to linger. “Goodnight Matt.” She began to walk away to catch a cab but his voice stopped her. 

“Karen.” She spun around and her heart beat faster. She hoped he wasn’t going to do what she thought he was going to do. 

Her voice was shaky now with nervousness. “Matt?” The high for the night had vanished, now replaced with uncertainty and fear. Fear of making a mistake that would ruin all they had rebuilt. 

Matt had no idea where this confidence had come from. All he knew was just how badly he wanted to kiss her, hold her again. He could hear her heart beating erratically as he stepped closer to her, she was frozen in place. He knew this could ruin their friendship and everything they had worked so hard to rebuild between them but all those thoughts left his mind when he took another deep breath of her scent mixed with his and the taste of tequila on her lips.

And for a moment, he was just a man and she was just a woman who were both painfully aware of their attraction to each other. He raised his hand to her face and she gave a soft gasp while instinctively leaning into his touch. She knew she shouldn’t, she should pull away and stop this. It was no secret that she wanted this but was it worth the risk? Before his lips could meet hers she turned her head at the last second making his lips land on the corner of her mouth. 

He let his lips linger there, knowing that this might be the last chance he could ever kiss her then pulled away. “I’m sorry.” 

“No.” She said quickly. “Don’t be sorry.” She pulled away and looked at his face, there was hurt and disappointment there. She felt guilt overwhelm her and wished she had been brave enough to let him kiss her. “I need to go.” Before she walked away she raised a hand and touched his lips with her fingertips then summoned up every rational bone in her body and left him there on the cold, snowy sidewalk. 

Matt stood there long after she had gotten in a cab and left. His thoughts were running wild, cursing himself and God. Of course he would never be enough for her, never deserving of her affections. He had hurt her too much. Even now when his life seemed to be settling into a comfortable rhythm his past mistakes came to haunt him. Maybe he was right after all, maybe Elektra had been the only one who could truly accept him. 

Karen stumbled into her apartment and turned the lights on. The tears she had held back during the cab ride came full force. Anyone could see that she wanted him, he had offered himself to her and she had responded by taking his heart and stomping on it. For months she'd been trying to convince herself that she wasn't as hurt by Matt than she really was. She told herself that the damage done by Matt and her was over. She couldn't choose to live in the past by holding onto their short lived relationship, they needed to move on...as friends. She spent the rest of the night trying to convince herself that, but if it was the right thing to do then why did it hurt so damn much?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day after their almost kiss, Karen and Matt are dealing with the consequences. Matt is on a downward spiral and seeks out Maggie's help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maggie makes her first appearance in this story and I was so excited to get the chance to play with her character. She was one of my favorites in season three and was so disappointed that the chance to further explore her character was cut short. Anyways, enjoy!

Karen fumbled while looking for her keys outside the Nelson's Meat shop. She had barely gotten a wink of sleep no thanks to her inability to stop thinking about the almost kiss last night. Since she couldn't sleep she decided to come into work early and hide herself in her office...away from Matt.

“God dammit!” She grunted in frustration. She must have left her keys at home and she leaned against the store window. So much for the sign she had put on her front door that said ‘keys.’ She had her eyes closed from the raging headache caused by lots of alcohol, crying and over thinking. She jumped up in surprise at the door suddenly opening, “Jesus!” She grasped her chest at the sight of Theo.

“Sorry if I scared you, I saw you and figured you forgot your keys.”

She walked in and sighed deeply and shook her head. “Lets just say it's one of those days.”

“Long night?”

She let out a hollow laugh. “You have no idea.”

Once she was upstairs and in her office she closed the door and put her head down on her desk. Somewhere along in the night her frustration with herself had turned into anger towards Matt. If only he hadn't been such a dick these past...forever, maybe they could have made it work. She could support him as his friend and business partner, anything else would make things...complicated.

Foggy came in a couple hours later and asked where Matt was but he had never come in. Foggy called but he didn't answer. He left several voicemails until Matt texted him that he was okay and working for home. Foggy made several comments wondering what was up but she stayed silent. She went through the whole day suppressing the urge to text him and ask if he was okay. She knew exactly why he wasn't here, he didn't want to see her just like she didn't want to see him.

She was walking down the sidewalk when she finally gathered up the courage to call him. It had been a spur of the moment decision. It rang and rang until it went to voicemail. She heard his voice, “You've reached Matt Murdock, please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” Her heart sank as she imagined him hearing his phone chant her name and him deciding not to answer it.

“Hey Matt, um-I’m just checking on you. You didn't come in today so…” She felt stupid for avoiding the obvious. “If this has to do with last night please call me back...I’m sorry.” She hung up and held back tears. God, she hoped he wasn't able to detect the hopelessness in her voice.

_____

Matt wandered into church crypt to find Maggie folding laundry. He didn't quite understand how he found himself walking to the church but sometime after Karen had called him he had left his apartment. He knew he was an asshole for not picking up but he didn't know what else there could possibly be said between them. He didn't deserve her, or Foggy. It has been a cowardly decision to not show up for work after he convinced himself that it would be okay since he had no appointments today. But the real reason he hasn't shown lingered in the back of his mind.

His first instinct was to go out, punch something, maybe at Fogwell's Gym but his senses led him here...to Maggie. The last time he had spoken to her was right before the funeral, where he had asked her to remain in his life. It hadn't been the easiest thing to do but in light of his situation he had badly needed someone like her in his life. Needed her guidance and wisdom and of course her ‘no bullshit attitude.’ 

He had a duffle bag on his shoulder filled with his gear. Matt was nervous in the way that you wouldn’t think, going to talk to a woman who he had recently found out was his long lost mother. He was nervous she would reject him, turn him away. He kept walking down the stairs until she saw him.

“Matthew.” She said in slight surprise. For weeks she had prayed for his protection and the healing of his wounds. She had started to hear the stories that the true Daredevil was back in Hell’s Kitchen, raining hell down on those who deserved it. Though now she had a new perspective. Her son, who she had only known as a boy, was capable of such violence.

He continued down the steps and stood next to one of the pillars. They were both acutely aware of the tension between them so he took a deep breath and spoke. “Last time we spoke, I asked for your guidance. I could use some of that right now.” He could feel a knot forming in his throat and he coughed uncomfortably.

Maggie set down the laundry on the shelf and turned towards him, giving him her full attention. “Am I correct to assume that those friends of yours have been taking care of you?”

The corner of his mouth went up slightly at the mention of Karen and Foggy, “Yeah, they've been good to me. More than I deserve.”

She looked him up and down, studying him. “I'm sure that's not true.” She noticed his bag, “You heading somewhere?”

“The gym but I uh, changed my mind.”

“Fogwell's Gym?” She gave him a knowing look.

He shifted, “Uh yeah, how did you-”

“I met your father there. Such a long time ago…” She had a far away look that had a hint of sadness. She offered a kind smile and ignored her own feelings. This was about Matthew, not her. “Anyways, what do you need?”

“My friends want me to be honest with them, about Daredevil. They never leave it alone and I don’t-I can't help but wish they would stop.”

“I’ve been hearing all about you and the people you're saving. Many have come to the church and told me of their experiences themselves.” Matt stayed silent. Maggie sighed, “To now know it's you is…”

“I know how to take care of myself. I’ve stayed alive this long.”

Maggie snapped at him, “That doesn't mean you are immune to death Matthew. Everyone has a breaking point, and I sense I’ve seen yours.”

Ah yes, his attempt to get himself killed, what a lovely reminder. “That was different, I’ve come to terms with who I am. What I need to be.”

Maggie didn't seem convinced, “And if that was the truth you wouldn't be here would you?”

Matt stuffed his hands into his pockets, “I want to honor Father Lantom, become the man he knew I could be. I just don't know how to be both parts of myself while being a good man.”

“These friends of yours...have they forgiven you?”

Matt hung his head in defeat. “Yes. Not that I deserve it.”

“It is not up to you to decide that, it's theirs. And if they are offering you their forgiveness you better damn well take it. There aren't many people who can do that.”

Matt scoffed, “Exactly, it's unfair for them to be burdened with me.”

Maggie gave him a hard look and said softly, “You really believe that? That you're a burden.”

“They want me to include them in Daredevils world. That world has almost gotten them killed, more times than I can count.”

“I don’t think you need to explain that to them. I think they are the few who understand you.” She walked toward him and took off her necklace, the one he had given back to her in anger. She put it over his head and tucked it in his shirt. 

“Sister…”

She silenced him, “It’s yours. I want you to have it.” She gave him a small smile. “I couldn’t give you many things when you were a child. I couldn’t treat you any differently. So please, take it.”

The knot in his throat returned and Matt did know what to say so he just nodded. “Thank you.”

“Trust your friends to make their own decisions. I think you’ll be better for it. And as for you...be careful out there and if you ever need me, whether you're half dead or lost, I’m here. There aren’t many things that can keep me on my toes but you're one of them.”

Matt ended up at the gym after his conversation with Maggie. He concentrated his anger and pent up frustration on the bag in front of him while being acutely aware of the cold metal cross on his skin. He had to admit, his body was still not the same after Midland Circle. His back would ache after a long night and sometimes his right ear would start ringing but all of his cuts had healed by now adding to the scar count on his body. 

He had texted Karen when he got here, letting her know there was no need to worry about him. It wasn’t exactly a lie, just avoiding the subject of her rejection. He had promised not to lie anymore but this wasn’t about Daredevil, he was still allowed to keep some secrets.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week has passed since their almost kiss and both of them are trying to get used to the idea of a platonic friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My original plan for this story made their relationship feel really forced so I went back and rewrote some future chapters for more of a slow burn. Hope it turns out okay but anyway heres another chapter.

“So...have you reconsidered my offer?”

Karen exhaled in a huff. “Ellison…”

He held up his hands in defense. “I know, I know, just thought I’d give it another shot.”

She smiled at his kindness. “I really appreciate it, I do but I’m happy where I am. Foggy and Matt are…”

Ellison nodded in understanding. “I get it. But if you ever want to come back, the job is waiting for you.”

Karen was flattered. “Appreciate it. So...you wanted to meet up for a reason.”

He had a fake innocent look on his face. “What? I have to have a reason?” Karen chuckled and took a sip of her drink. “Okay fine, Lily wants to have you over for dinner again and...maybe Jason will be there.”

She put her glass down quickly. “I told you I’m not-”

“Ready. I know but you’ve been down in the dumps for months now. I can see that you're happier but you could use some company.”

Karen raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “Jason's company?”

“Maybe. Worth a shot.”

Karen crossed her arms and rolled her eyes, but for a second actually considered it. Jason had been nice, stable and attentive. Complete opposite of Matt. She sighed, “I’ll think about it.”

“See?” Ellison exclaimed. “A step in the right direction.”

They continued talking about work but for the rest of their visit she couldn't completely focus on what he was saying, her mind drifting off to Matt. It had been a theme in her life lately. Always thinking about Matt. Where was he? Was he okay? What was he doing? Did he get home all right? Was the case he'd been working on hard? What did he do in his free time? Was he seeing anyone? 

God, she hoped he wasn't seeing anyone. The thought was almost unbearable but she had no claim on him since she had rejected him a couple of days ago outside his apartment. He hadn't mentioned it again and all she got was a measly text saying he was okay and not to worry. Like she could ever stop worrying about him.

_____

Foggy and Matt were using their lunch break for ring shopping. Not the most exciting experience for Matt but he knew how much it meant to Foggy that he was here.

“Why am I even here? Not like I can hear diamonds.”

“This is a big moment buddy! Taking my best friend to help me buy a ring. These are the memories that will stay with us forever.” Foggy had the biggest smile on his face.

Foggy had invited Matt, actually more like demanded he come ring shopping with him. 

“Never thought I’d see the day, Foggy Nelson settling down.” 

Foggy just laughed and led Matt around the store. “So...when are you going to tie the knot? We're not getting any younger buddy.”

“Marriage? Never really uh-never really thought about it to be honest.”

Foggy spun around. “Really? Not even with Karen?”

Matt flinched at the mention of Karen. “With what I do, I dont think it's possible.”

“Sure as hell won't be easy with someone as reckless as you but if anyones up for the job it's her.”

Matt grimaced. “Foggy don't.”

Foggy had a clueless look on his face. “What? Just speaking the truth.”

“We tried and failed. We’ve moved on.” Matt was trying to convince himself more than Foggy.

“You call that trying? Both of you were lying to each other, and plus all that shit with The Hand, Elektra and Frank Castle...you guys never stood a chance.” Foggy saw the pained look on Matts face. “Look buddy, all I'm saying is you guys never had the chance to figure things out. Things are different now so what's the harm in trying again?”

“I hurt her too much. The best thing I can do for her is let her go.”

“Are you kidding me? I’m not an idiot Matt, you don’t think I’ve seen what's been going on between you two? You're both pinning after each other like a couple teenagers.”

Matts jaw clenched. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

Foggy sighed in defeat. “Sure.”

Foggy continued to shop for a ring, asking Matt for his opinions which meant they were on the receiving end of weird looks from staff members. Matt would roll his eyes and say, “smells like chemicals,” or “smells like metal.”

As Foggy picked out the ring and worked with the clerk on specifics, Matt wondered for the first time what a future with Karen might have looked like. What kind of ring would she have wanted? A big or small wedding? In a church? A beach? Would she have kept her last name or would she have become Karen Murdock? 

His thoughts went deeper, more painful. Would she have wanted kids? How many? Would they have lived in the city? Would he eventually have given up Daredevil? No. He could never have that life.

“Matt? Ready to go?” Foggy led him out of the store and debated bringing up Karen again. 

Matt sighed deeply in annoyance. “Just say what you want.”

Foggy internally cursed his best friend's super senses. “It's just...you gotta give Karen more credit. She tough as shit, and a badass. She cares about you, like a lot buddy. After Midland Circle, she was a mess. She never gave up hope that you were still alive. If that isn't love...I don't know what is.” Foggy just shrugged and said no more on the subject.

Ending his thoughts there, he suppressed every sense of longing for that future because it was too painful to think about. She had made it clear she had no interest in starting anything with him. 

They made it back to the office and greeted Theo who was behind the counter. Once Matt made it to his desk and took off his jacket a thought occurred to him. Marci didn't know he was Daredevil or at least not that he knew of. Who knew what happened during those months he was recovering. Did he want her to know? Too many people already knew. The nuns, Karen and Foggy. But she was already in danger in association with Foggy. If Fisk ever came after him again she would be a target no matter what.

Making his decision he walked over to where Foggy was making himself another cup of coffee.

“Hey Foggy?”

“You know after all this time Karen still makes the worst cup of coffee ever. Like seriously, how do you stand it?” He finally looked up and noticed the serious expression on his partners face. “Something wrong?”

“About Marci…”

“What about her? Please don't tell me you hate her, it’s a little late for that.” He was only joking and it got a chuckle out of Matt.

“No I uh-was thinking it's time for her to know.”

“Oh.” He sounded surprised.

“It's your choice. If you feel she should know then I trust your judgement.”

“Wow, okay. That means a lot buddy. Thanks.”

Matt gave him a tight smile then started to walk away but stopped and turned back around. “Just let me know. If she wants to talk I understand.”

“Everything will work out. Don't worry.” He held out his fist making Matt chuckle and fist bump him.

The moment was short lived when Matt heard Karen's footsteps enter the meat shop. 

Foggy noticed the softening of Matt features as his head tilted revealing he heard something. “Karens here, isn’t she?”

Matt continued to listen to her light footsteps and could smell her perfume. “Huh?”

Foggy rolled his eyes and moved back to his desk with coffee in hand. “Whenever you sense Karen your face practically glows. It's disgusting.” 

Matt frowned immediately and remembered to never make this ‘face’ Foggy was talking about again. He moved to open the door before Karen could reach the handle and a huge smile grew as she saw him. God he is so handsome.

“Hey, how was ring shopping?” She had a paper bag in hand and Matt could tell it was a chocolate muffin and two croissants.

“Mundane.” 

“That fun huh? Well, I brought back some pastries.”

“Did I just hear pastries?!” Foggy yelled from inside his office.

Karen laughed and leaned in closer to Matt. “Is it terrible of me to fuel his bad food habits?”

“Well it must be why he likes you so much.”

Foggy came out of his office and snatched the bag. “Exactly, I’d kick you out of here so fast Page if it weren't for the free food.”

“Good to know my services are valued.”

Matt leaned against the wall relaxed as he enjoyed the playful banter between his friends. He missed moments like this just as much as he treasured them. 

After Foggy claimed the chocolate muffin and went back into his office Karen looked over to Matt. He looked so relaxed and...happy. She leaned against the wall next to him and his head titled as he sensed her near him. 

“How was your lunch with Ellison?”

“Well, he offered me my job back...again.”

Matt stood up a little straight and stopped his hands in his pockets. “Is that something you want?”

She let out a deep sigh and leaned her head back till it hit the wall. “At one point it was my dream job but now...it’s time to move on. I belong here.”

“We’re doing good here.” Matt reassured her. 

She looked at him from the side and she could see his eyes behind the glasses. She constantly wanted to look into them, analyze their emotions. Too bad he liked to use his glasses to hide. “I know.” She gently bumped his side. “So, do you want one? Foggy took the muffin but there’s still-”

“Yeah I’ll take the croissant.”

She laughed awkwardly when she realized yet again that she had underestimated his abilities. “Well, here you go.”

She handed him the bag but neither of them looked ready to move. So they stayed like that for who knows how long in total silence. The words that needed to be spoken, the hurt caused was pushed to the back burner as they simply enjoyed each other's company. There had yet to be an incident again where they crossed boundaries like that night she walked him home. Things after had been tense between them but neither of them could stay like that forever so they soon fell back into a steady pattern of ‘good mornings,’ coffee, late nights, Josies and the occasional teasing. It was about time they made a mistake. The comfortable bubble of friendship could only last so long till it popped. 

“I’m really glad you stuck around.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Karen smiled and looked forward. “I’m just glad you came to your senses. Things really are better with you in the picture.”

Matt didn’t know what to say to that. Did he deserve their love? No. A lump formed in his throat as a wave of emotions filled him. “Appreciate it.” Was all he could manage to get out and if Karen noticed she didn’t say anything. 

“Well, I better get back to work.”

Matt straightened up even more and put his hands on his hips. He coughed uncomfortably and nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

Karen walked away first with thoughts that maybe this whole ‘friends’ thing would work. Things between them were better than ever and the last thing Matt wanted to do was ruin it. Yes, he still cared for her but that didn’t matter. Like he had told Foggy, ‘they tried and failed,’ time to move on.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt volunteers to take everyone out to dinner to celebrate Foggy and Marcis engagement but they end up at the same restaurant from Matt and Karens first date. It surfaces old memories and Matt freaks out when Foggy asks Matt a very important question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Two updates in a day! I have tons of chapters already written for this story so I figured i'd go ahead and post more than one.

After Foggy had officially proposed to Marci, Matt decided it was time to welcome her into their small group of friends. A couple days after Marci had said yes, Matt had casually brought up the idea of taking the four of them out to dinner to celebrate. Foggy had trouble containing his excitement at the prospect of his friends accepting Marci and Matt was still bewildered at how Foggy had ended up engaged to his college fling but at least he was happy. 

Matt had recommended some places for dinner but apparently they had not been high profile enough for Marci. So that was how they had all ended up agreeing to a fancy restaurant and coincidentally it was the same restaurant he and Karen had went to on their first date. The fancy one, not the one with curry. 

He was right outside the restaurant when he heard Foggy and Marci talking about him.

“So what's Matt's deal? He disappears for months and now he's back and your partners again?”

“Matts got his own way of doing things.”

“Doesn't mean you have to follow him.”

“We’re best friends. Practising law just isn't the same without him.”

“I’m glad Matt's back and that your friends again it's just...I hope things work out this time.”

“It will. I trust him.”

“If you say so. So tell me...what's the deal with Matt and Karen?”

“I have no idea.”

Matt stopped listening then, not wanting to hear anymore. Foggy would throw a fit if he knew he was listening to private conversation. He walked into the restaurant and allowed the waitress to lead him to their table.

Matt made sure his blind act was solid as he came up to the table. “Foggy? Marci?”

“Hey buddy, Karens not here yet. She said she got held up or something so she's gonna be a little late.”

“Oh.”

“Matt.” Marci greeted.

Matt sat down and folded up his cane. “It's good to see you again Marci. I guess this is your official welcome.”

“Welcome?” Marci feigned offensiveness.

Foggy laughed. “He means this is your initiation.”

Marci rolled her eyes and chuckled at the joke. “God I hope Karen gets here soon. I need less men and more girlfriends. You think she'd be down to hang for drinks sometime?”

The question was directed at Foggy but Matt answered. “Good luck with that. She's a workaholic, barley has time for us.”

Karen walked in the restaurant and Matt analyzed everything he was picking up. She was wearing a knee length dress and he could hear it swoosh everytime she moved. Her hair was down, draped over her shoulders making the scent of her shampoo stronger. She had her normal perfume on today, lavender and she made her way toward them after checking in with the hostess. She was exactly the same as every other day...perfect.

“Hey guys sorry I’m late.” She greeted everyone but Matt noticed when her gaze went to him her heart beat ever so faster. She moved to take her seat next to Matt and across from Marci but Matt suddenly stood up to pull out her chair for her. Karen blushed at the act. “Uh, thanks Matt.” She quickly sat down and started conversing with Marci. 

The waiter came by for their wine order and of course Marci ordered one of the fancier options. They soon sat in silence as they looked over the menus as Foggy and Marci whispered to each other about what they were going to order.

Karen leaned over to Matt. “Do you need help? You know with reading the menu?” They both were keenly aware they'd been here before.

Matt smiled in appreciation of her offer. “Thanks but I looked online before I came.” Karen's laugh felt contagious as he couldn't help but smile at the sound. “What?”

“No it's just uh, I looked online too. These places you know? They make me nervous.” She leaned in closer to whisper the last part to make sure Marci didn't hear.

“Me too.”

“Yeah I uh, remember.” She didn't mean to stare at him but she was taken back to their first date. She felt those first date jitters all over again.

The dinner went well as they talked about work, wedding plans and future get togethers. Matt actually enjoyed Marcis company, in college she had been a great student. She was always neck to neck with him in classes. They were nearing the end of dinner now and Marci and Karen talked to each other about going out together soon for a drink and Foggy decided it was time to tell Matt.

“So Matt, me and Marci have been talking about who's going to be in the wedding. Apparently that's something you need to plan ahead for so I’d really love it if you'd be one of my best men. You and Theo I mean.” 

Matt froze in his seat as soon as he heard the words best man. A knot formed in his throat as his heart rate increased. He suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe and his hand went to the tie around his neck. He sat back in his chair and Karen noticed immediately his tension.

“Matt? You okay?” She placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder but he stood up in a hurry and grabbed his cane, letting it unravel. He didn't even ask where the bathroom was to keep up appearances, he just started walking there. 

Karen went to go follow him but was stopped by Foggy. “It's okay. I'll handle it.” Karen watched in concern as both Foggy and Matt went into the men's bathroom.

“Matt? What's going on?” Matt had beat Foggy to the bathroom a couple of seconds before him but the tears had already started coming.

Matt gasped for breath as he felt his chest tightening. “Foggy, why?”

Foggy looked at Matt in confusion. “You mean why I asked you to be my best man?”

“Yes.” The tie around his neck was loosened and he was sure he looked like a mess.

“You're my best friend, idiot. Why wouldn't I?”

“What I've done to you. I don't deserve it.”

“Matt, how long is it going to take for you to realize that no matter what you do, I’m still going to be here. You're my family.”

“That may be more than I deserve.”

“Well, that's too bad because I don't care. Sooner or later you're gonna have to accept that I’m not going anywhere. I’m afraid you're stuck with me.” 

Matt let out a weak chuckle and leaned against the bathroom wall. “You sure you're not marrying me, not Marci?”

“In your dreams Murdock.” They both laughed and Foggy playfully punched his shoulder. “Come on.”

After Matt had fixed his tie they made their way back to the table and Karen stood up to meet Matt halfway. She attempted to keep her voice down in the quiet restaurant. “Are you okay? What happened?”

Her hand was clenching his blazer and he touched her forearm to reassure her. She realized what she was doing and quickly let go and stared at the new wrinkles. “I’m fine.” She looked ready to argue. “Really, me and Foggy just needed to work some stuff out.”

She looked back and forth between Matt and Foggy and when she was satisfied that everything was okay she guided Matt back to the table. 

Marci didn’t say anything but gave Matt a strange look. After the bill was paid they walked to their cars. 

Foggy and Marci were walking in front of Karen and Matt. It was a quiet evening as the snow gently came down. 

“You need a ride home?” Karen directed her question to Matt. 

“Oh uh, are you sure?”

Karen laughed at his nervous stutter. “It’s no problem.”

“Ok then.” They parted ways with Foggy and Marci as they headed to Karen’s car. 

The drive to Matt’s place was spent in semi-awkward silence. Mostly because neither of them wanted to say or do anything that would be considered ‘inappropriate’ as friends. 

Karen was still concerned over what happened over dinner. How Matt had run away in a rush. After, everything seemed fine but Matt usually didn’t behave that way, especially in public. He even dropped the blind act in his haste to get away. 

Karen tried to sound casual but couldn’t help the concern that laced her voice. “Is everything okay?”

Matt clutched his cane that was folded up in his lap. “Huh?”

Karen looked over at him quickly. “At dinner. You rushed off. Did Foggy say something?”

“I’m fine really.”

“Matt...I know you. Just, you can talk to me. You know that right? I’m here for you...as your friend.”

Friends. Of course they’re friends. What else would they be? “Appreciate it.”

Karen expected him to continue but there was silence except for the radio. “So that’s it?”

Matt took a deep breath and fidgeted in his seat while clutching his cane harder. “Foggy asked me to be his best man.”

Matt heard her heart rate increase in excitement. “That’s great Matt. Congratulations.” She looked over at him and saw the opposite of what he should look right now. He looked tired, defeated. “Why is that a bad thing?”

“It’s not-it isn’t a bad thing.”

Karen scoffed and arched an eyebrow. “Then explain to me why you look like that.”

“Look like that? What do I look like?”

“I don’t know! Like, like...sad. I don’t know Matt.”

“I didn’t expect him to ask.”

“Really? You're best friends.”

“I haven’t always been a good friend to him.”

“And that’s why you think you don’t deserve it?”

“I didn't say that.”

“No...but that's how you feel.” Matt said nothing and Karen interpreted the silence. “Foggy loves you like family. He would follow you to the ends of the earth. You might not think you deserve that but like it or not he doesn’t care. I just hope one day you come to terms with it.”

She pulled up to his building and he paused before getting out. “Karen...thank you.”

Karen spoke in a soft gentle voice that was just above a whisper. “Good night Matt.”

“Good night Karen.”

She waited till she had driven down the street and was sure he wouldn’t be able to hear her to let out a long shaky breath she had been holding in. At a red light she held her face in her hands and let out a long groan of frustration. “Jesus Karen get it together.” Running her hands through her hair, she bit her lip as she remembered how perfect he had been tonight. God and she just had to top it off with an agonizing car ride filled with random 90s music and ancient sexual tension. 

It’s over and done. She kept repeating to herself. “Don’t get yourself into that mess again Karen. You're smarter than that.” She jumped in her seat at the sound of honking. “Shit! Sorry.” She apologized to the car behind her when she finally saw that the light had turned green. 

Matt was getting ready to go out but not before his mind could be filled with the constant replay of events from tonight. The way he had acted at the restaurant had been so...unlike him. What was that anyway? A panic attack or something? Was he honestly that terrified of his friends' affection?

Karen was right like always, he needed to accept their forgiveness. Maggie was also right. It wasn’t his decision to decide what they deserved. The best thing to do was move on by doing right by them but how could he? How could he accept their forgiveness if he hasn’t forgiven himself?

Karen was getting ready for bed when she decided it was time to ‘try again.’ She and Matt were never gonna happen, so what was she waiting for? Before she could change her mind she grabbed her phone and sent a hasty text to Ellison. 

“Tell Jason I look forward to seeing him again.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a few days after the dinner. Karens nightmares take a turn for the worse and Matt stops some criminals from going after Karen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I planned to post this earlier but waited because I wanted to make sure it was exactly how I imagined it. The chapters from now on will have smaller time gaps between them so hopefully it will be a more cohesive story. Anyways, I've been reading all the comments and I'm so glad people are liking this story! I promise I'll start responding to them soon I've just been kind of busy. Just a friendly reminder that the two year moratorium is almost over so spread the word! Also sign and share the #savedaredevil petition!

Karen was walking home from a late night at the office. A really late night. Around the time crime started and to make matters worse it was pouring down rain. Normally she would've taken a cab but she was close to her apartment. Her hand was in her purse where her gun was, ready to protect her. As she passed an alleyway a man grabbed her and threw her against the wall, making her hit her head on the bricks. Her head spun as she tightened her grip on the gun and pulled it out. 

“Run or I shoot!” The man froze and put his hands up.

“How bout we calm down here, I wasn't trying to cause any damage.” The man sounded drunk.

Karen took off the safety. “Don't make me say it again.”

The man sneered. “Why you little bitch-”

Out of nowhere came someone in the dark, they moved quickly and took down the man so fast she barely had time to register what happened. After her attacker was on the ground groaning in pain Karen gasped as she saw who saved her. 

Daredevil turned to her, stepping into the light. “Are you okay?” She could see him more clearly now and he was wearing his old suit. She nodded and tried to catch her breath. The man groaned and tried to stand up. “Stay down,” Matt warned with a malicious tone.

The man looked up. “Ah shit! You're that devil guy.” The man expedited his efforts to run away but Matt grabbed his collar and knocked him out.

Karen glared at the unconscious man and held back the urge to kick him. Instead she focused her attention to Matt. She grabbed his arm to make him face her. “I had it handled.”

Matt shrugged, “I know but how could I resist.” He gave her a charming smile that reminded her just how much she missed his smiles being directed toward her.

The adrenaline was still pumping through her body. She's had dreams of Daredevil before, saving her, but this was Matt. The same Matt who kissed her in the rain and on her front steps. She knew intricately how his lips felt and tasted. 

Then, in a moment of pure instinctiveness Karen grabbed him and crushed her lips to his. It was just how she remembered it, soft and warm. He pressed her up against the side of the building and she reached up to remove his mask. They were in the shadows now, hiding from the light illuminating the street. She dropped the mask next to her and immediately intertwined her fingers in his hair. When the inevitable time came to pull away to breath, a foreign hand wrapped around her throat and squeezed.

Her eyes shot open wide to meet Poindexters. His voice repeated the words that haunted her. “Hello Karen, it's nice to see you again.” 

Karen sat up in bed screaming, grasping her throat. On the brink of hyperventilating she got up to the bathroom to slash some water on her face. She stared at herself in the mirror and muttered, “It was a dream. It was just a dream.” 

Normally she'd wake from her nightmares and talk herself back to reality but this time it was different. She felt different. The scenery wasn’t a church or The Bulletin or in Fisk's apartment. Even Matt sometimes appeared in her dreams but not like this. Again, normally she would do her best to wipe all memory of her night terrors but she wasn't sure if she wanted to forget how heavenly it had felt to kiss Matt again, even if it wasn't real. 

Putting thoughts of Matt aside, she gripped the edge of the sink harder and stared at herself in the mirror. How many times could she relive the horrors she’s seen? Maybe this was the universe correcting itself. Or God, if he even exists, punishing her...avenging the deaths of the people she’s killed. But what did she know about the inner workings of God? 

But what if it’s just her? Subconsciously torturing herself over and over again? Daniel, Kevin, Ben, Wesley, Jasper...hadn’t she played a part in all of their deaths? What did that make her? A murderer? A killer? A butcher? 

She realized a long time ago that it wasn’t danger that followed her but her inability to turn a blind eye. Her addiction had been a long dwindling cycle of self destruction that had ended in the murder of her brother. Had that been where it all started? The recklessness and lack of self preservation she had for herself? Her persistence and god awful stubbornness that consistently ran her into trouble?

That pension file, she could’ve left it. Never brought it up. But it hadn’t turned out that way, did it?

After deciding any efforts to try and go back to sleep were futile, she made some hot tea and pulled out her laptop. It opened up to the last website she was on...an article about Daredevil from yesterday. She remembered him saving her, touching her and kissing her in the dream. The feel of his lips had felt so real. 

She groaned into her hands in frustration. Why did the subject always have to come back to Matt? He followed her everywhere she went. He occupied her mind day and night. It didn’t help that she saw him almost everyday but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was the unbending emotions she had for that man. 

And what was the problem with that? Nothing, absolutely nothing. Who wouldn’t be infatuated with Matt? The fact is, she could call him up right now and ask him out to dinner. Yes, there was history between them and they worked together but at the end of it all they were simply two adults who could make their own decisions.

Doing all that would have consequences and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that particular fight. Because if they did get back together that is what it would be...a fight. A constant struggle. Forgiving him was one thing but to put herself in the line of fire, knowing this time how difficult it would be...she was already unstable as it is. Matt was worse off too. 

His friendship was enough. For now, at least. 

Dinner with Ellisons family was already planned. Maybe it would be what she needed to move on.

_____

The night was a cold one and Matt wished for his old suits warmth. During the summer it had been unbearable with the heat and sweat but in the winter it had kept him warm on nights like this. Quiet and cold. The best he could do was layer up under his shirt but without any activity it didn’t matter. 

There’s only been a few fights tonight, nothing serious. He stopped a brawl outside a bar earlier where one man hid a knife in his jacket. Matt had made sure he wouldn't be using his hand for a while. 

While standing on a rooftop filtering through the sounds of the city his ear caught something. He heard Karen's name. Her name was getting tossed around in a group of about three men. 

Matt instantly took off in their direction. He focused on only their voices and the closer they got he could smell the gunpowder and oil. They also had knives on them. They were standing in an alleyway outside some warehouse. A truck was there waiting for them and they continued to converse. 

Once Matt got there and crouched down on the roof above them he tried to make sense of their conversation. 

“Is she still at the Bulletin?”

“Nah. Works at some law firm.”

“Maybe this isn't a good idea man. We just got out. I don’t want to go back to prison.”

“She took away five years of your life. You just gonna let her get away with that?”

“She’s high profile. Most people in the city know her face.”

“Then we keep it quiet.”

“I don’t know man.”

“Do we have a problem Lawrence?”

“I guess not.”

“So we agree. We wait for her to get off work.”

“Then what?”

“We do whatever we like.”

Matt’s fists clenched as tight as they could at the suggestive tone of the man. Without even thinking he jumped off the roof and instantly took out one of the men. Before the other two could even react he kicked the guns they had out of their hands. One of the men ran for his glock that was now a good five feet away from him. Matt snarled, grabbing his collar and gave him several nasty blows to the face. The last man standing tried to sneak up behind him with a knife but at the last second Matt dropped the other man and spun around catching the knife mid swing. Matt took advantage of his grip on the man's hand and twisted it to an unnatural position. The man screamed in agony and fell to the ground clutching his broken wrist. 

Matt’s anger only seemed to boil even more at the sound of their pain. He identified the man who had seemed to be the leader of this operation as the one with the now bloody face. Matt snatched him up and slammed him into the side of the brick building. 

“Gah! What the hell! Shit!”

Matt tried to contain the devil for a moment longer. He needed to know what they wanted with Karen. 

“What do you want with Karen Page?”

“I don’t know what you-ah!” 

Matt grabbed his arm and twisted. Not enough to break it but enough to make this enjoyable. “Don’t make me ask again. And if you lie to me, trust that I will know.”

“You're him, aren't you? The devil?”

“You’ve heard of me. Good. Then you know I don’t have a problem with doing this the hard way.”

The man remained silent a little too long for Matt’s liking so with a slight change in angle the man's arm fell victim to a series of breaks. 

“I’ll tell you I’ll tell you just stop!”

Matt's voice was threatening but eerily calm. “I’m listening.”

“That bitch got me and my boys put in jail. Stuck her nose where it didn’t belong. We were just gonna scare her.”

Matt blood boiled at the name the man gave Karen and even more at the fact that he was lying. They weren’t just going to scare her.

Matt grabbed his other arm and twisted it. “I told you not to lie.”

“Okay okay! We were gonna kill her!”

Matt let out a feral growl as he landed a punch right on the man's nose breaking it with a crunch. Blood gushed down over the man's mouth as his vision blurred from his watering eyes. “Now here’s what’s going to happen. If I ever see you again or hear anything about Karen Page being harmed I will come for you. And you won’t like what happens next. Now go...before I change my mind.”

Matt let go of him with a huff and backed away slowly. The man gripped his arm and limped toward the others and shook them awake but by the time he looked up again, Daredevil was gone. 

“Shit! Jeremiah get up!”

“What happened?”

“Daredevil was here, now let’s go!”

Matt heard them jump in the truck and they drove away recklessly. After, he kept clenching and unclenching his fists, he wanted more. Something else to hit. It hadn’t been enough to subdue the devil inside him. 

It was stupid to think she hadn't made enemies while working at the Bulletin. Someone as stubborn as her was bound to poke the wrong bear. 

Matt landed on the roof of her building and he focused on trying to single out her familiar scent. There she was...awake. He crouched down as if to hear better. She was wide awake in the middle of the night. Why? She was walking around her kitchen making a cup of tea. Matt quickly checked the area around the building to make sure there was no danger. 

Should he go to her window? No, that was a bad idea. He would have to explain himself and right now he wasn’t in the right state of mind. She was safe, he should go but instead he sat on the edge of the building and took off his gloves. What would Karen think if she knew he was sitting up here? Or why he was up here in the first place? 

What felt like a million years ago he remembered her words, “I’m not yours to protect.” She was right, she wasn’t his. But couldn’t he at least make sure she was safe?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the next day and Karens nightmares take a turn for the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so bad a summaries but basically theres ton of angst and hurt/comfort. Hopefully there will be another chapter up today or tomorrow. If not then ASAP.

Matt had ended up going home early last night. The night had been fairly quiet besides the eventful run in with those men, and after making sure Karen was safe he had called it a night. He finally got a good night's sleep that consisted of more than four hours. Karen would be proud. Weekends were meant for relaxing and catching up on sleep but with the newly established Nelson & Murdock the luxury of weekends were a distant past. It was great, really, the influx of clients gave them a hopeful future. What it did not help with was Matt's struggle for work life balance. 

The plan had been to sleep in, maybe see Maggie before work but he wandered into Nelson Meats first thing in the morning. He could tell Karen was already inside when he was right outside on the street. She was safe, he had made sure of that, but for how long? The men last night were not going to be the last. 

As he got closer the sounds of her trembling with ragged breaths became clearer. She was...crying. Matt furrowed his eyebrows in concern as he walked into their small office. She was leaning against the counter that held the coffee pot. She sniffled softly with her back turned to Matt. She hadn’t realized he was in yet. Matt grew more concerned, he didn’t need to have heard her last night to know she was exhausted. 

“Karen?” He asked cautiously. 

Karen quickly wiped her eyes and turned to see Matt. Shit. She couldn’t hide from him, the ‘Mr. I See Everything.’ If her tears didn't give it away then surely her minimalistic outfit of jeans and a hoodie would. Basically it was a, ‘I'm doing the bare minimum today’ vibe. 

“Matt, hi. Um...coffee?” She fiddled with her hands and put herself to work by grabbing an extra cup for Matt. 

“That would be great, thank you.” Matt placed his cane by the door and walked toward Karen. He could still smell the fresh tears on her cheeks.

Karen continued to busy herself with pouring Matt some coffee and fixing it the way she knew he liked it. She hadn’t meant to be here the same time as him, he rarely showed up early, but they seemed to keep ending up alone together. She was supposed to be following a lead but had needed some files from her desk. The last thing she had wanted was to be caught crying by Matt. 

She started nervously rambling, “I won’t be in the office today. I’m meant to be following a lead on the Hanson case but I came in to grab a file. Is there anything you need before I go?” 

She could feel him getting closer. She could only hope he wouldn’t mention her obvious distress because honestly, she just didn’t want to tell him about the nightmares. With her back still to Matt he placed a cautious hand on her shoulder. She let out a breath of air she had been holding in and reached to place her hand on top of his. She slouched forward and inhaled shakily. 

“Karen, if something is wrong…”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?”

Her first instinct was to lie. Tell him she was fine, that nothing happened or no one hurt her but that would be the most bullshit lie she had ever let come out of her mouth. “I-I don’t think this is...Matt, this isn’t the place.” That was the best she could come up with. Great. So she wasn’t lying but instead avoiding the truth like it was the plague. Maybe Foggy was right, she was more like Matt than she wanted to admit. 

Unable to give him the words he wanted, Karen left the coffee there to turn around and hug him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. Matt made sure to rest his hands on her back in an appropriate place as he gave her a much needed hug. They stood there in each other’s arms basking in the comfort of each other. Unaware that this was their solace, their source of healing. 

Karen closed her eyes and whispered, “Thanks Matt.” She pulled away and grabbed her coffee. 

Matt didn’t want her leave, not when she was like this. “Karen…”

“I have to go but uh, later okay?” Later. That was all she could offer. 

“Later then.”

She chuckled weakly and ran a hand through her hair. His words sounded more like a promise than a reassurance. “Um...pass it on to Foggy will you? If he needs anything tell him to ring me.”

“Of course.” 

She bit her lip and nodded. “Alright then. I’ll uh, see you later.”

“Later.” He couldn't just let her leave without saying something. “You know, the same goes for you. You can talk to me.”

“I know. Maybe one of these days I’ll take you up on that offer.”

“I look forward to it.”

_____

“Hey Foggy?”

Foggy looked up from the mountain of paperwork in front of him. “Huh?”

Matt attempted to sound casual. “Have you noticed anything different about Karen?”

“How so?”

“I don't know. I went by her place last night, she wasn't sleeping.”

Foggy grimaced and furrowed his eyebrows. “You went by her place? Why?”

Matt cursed himself and took note to never say those words again. Why did everything he did sound creepy? “Make sure she was safe.”

“You do that a lot?”

“Well no, of course not it just-”

Foggy was a little sceptical but he still inquired more. “Just..?”

Matt internally groaned as he realized the hole he got himself into. Honestly, in the past he’d probably make up some lie that would get him in trouble later but Foggy didn’t deserve that. He placed his hands on his hips and baked up a little, afraid of Foggy's reaction. “Last night...I heard these men planning a kidnapping attempt on Karen.”

Foggy's eyes widened in shock as he shot up from his chair. “What? Who? Did you call the police?”

“They were fresh out of prison, looking for revenge or something.”

Foggy looked horrified. “On Karen?”

Matt shrugged, “I assume it has something to do with her time at The Bulletin.”

Foggy was still absorbing this information and he stared in disbelief. “Jesus...did you tell Karen?”

Matt cringed and shifted his weight. “Well…”

“Really Matt?!”

“She wouldn't take it well.”

“It doesn't matter! Matt, this isn't the kinda stuff you can keep to yourself.”

Matt knew he was in the wrong here. Karen deserved to know but after weeks of putting up with lectures from Foggy about honesty he felt something snap. “So what? You're the one that gets to decide everything for me? I'm not fit for making my own choices?”

“That's not what-”

“That's what you're saying, I have to be a completely open book because you and Karen don't trust me.”

“Yes!”

Matt fumed silently.

“We don't trust you Matt. Not yet. You let us think you were dead, so I’m sorry if it seems like we're a bit skeptical sometimes. And keeping this from her isn't helping. I promised myself I would never lie to Karen for you again.”

Matt could practically feel the tension expand in the room. He needed to leave before this conversation made him say something he would regret. He could give Foggy at least that. “I think I’ll head home for today.”

“Matt...you don't have to go.”

“It's fine.” Matt proceeded to pack up his stuff by shoving papers in his bag. 

Before Matt could leave Foggy stopped him. “Look, just do the right thing.”

“I know what I’m doing Foggy.”

“Do you Matt? Because you never seem to make the best judgements when the people you care about are in danger.”

Foggy was right...again. Matt tensed and put his hand to the door to open it. ‘Thanks for the analytical lesson,’ is what he wanted to say but he stopped himself by rushing out of the office as fast as possible. Away from logic, away from the obvious and away from Foggy. 

_____

Karen’s body twisted and flinched as she was stuck inside her very own hell. The dreams were coming more often, lingering longer, becoming more sinister. Matt had died this time. The scissors had pierced his heart and she had screamed for Poindexter to stop. To give her one last moment to say goodbye but it had been too late. He had laid cold in her arms. 

It was only a dream. That’s what she kept telling herself but they never were far off from what could have been nor unrealistic, not with her life. 

This time she wanted to make sure she didn’t retain any memory of it. Not like last night. Karen wandered straight to the liquor cabinet. What good would it do? Not much, but it would dull the pain, for now. She guessed the alcohol was for multiple reasons. Her run in with Matt had been unexpected. Even more so that he caught her in a moment of collapse. Staying up all night again probably wasn’t the best decision but what choice did she have? She’d take sleep deprivation over Poindexter any day.

What would it be like to wake up next to someone? Was it possible she could draw comfort from someone like Matt, who was just as broken as she was? 

That hug had been nice. Too nice.

So that’s what led her to making the decision to leave her apartment for a night time stroll. A flimsy excuse to reach out to Matt. Would he hear her walking the streets of The Kitchen? 

The night was a cold one. Snow covered most of the city. How did Matt stand it in his black pajamas? Karen stared up at the neon sign that illuminated the street outside Matt’s apartment. Her eyes landed on his window. The lights were off but they were never on anyway.. 

_____

The moment Matt landed on his roof he noticed Karen. Her scent was intertwined with sweat and alcohol. What was she doing here? He yanked open the roof door to his apartment and rushed down the stairs taking two at a time. Quickly throwing his mask to the side he made it to the front door. She was sitting on the window sill out in the hallway. 

“Karen, what are you doing here? D-did something happen? Are you okay?” He was visibly tense as he assumed something was wrong. Karen felt like an idiot. 

“Sorry, I-I should’ve called but I uh, didn’t know if you were out. Didn’t really think this through.”

“Come in.”

Karen hesitated at his invitation despite her first instinct to run and cling to him. “Are you sure? I don't mean to intrude. I don’t even know why I’m here really.”

”No. Please.” Matt opened the door so she could step over the threshold. 

Karen wandered into the living room and saw his mask lying on the chair. He had been in such a hurry he didn't even have time to take off his shoes or gloves. So he took this moment to put his gloves away in the closet.

”Jesus Matt, your hands.”

Matt tried to brush it off by scurrying off to the bathroom. “It's nothing.”

“Does it hurt?”

Everyone was always worried about the big cuts and bruises not the regular bloody fists. And the truth was, it didn’t hurt. Not anymore. The skin there was tough and scarred over. “No.” 

Karen didn’t want to let him out of her sight. “Here, let me.” She quickly moved into the bathroom where he currently was and turned the light on. She could see him clearly now. All bloodied and bruised. No big cuts or scraps. 

Matt was visibly uncomfortable and exhausted. But not tired enough to make some protests. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I know.”

“It’s just a little blood Karen.”

“Then why does it look like you sneaked behind the counter and played with the meat slicers?”

Matt chuckled and gave into her coddling. She gently grasped his hands and turned on the faucet. The water turned pink as she washed away the dried up blood. 

“What are you doing here Karen?” It was an intrusive question but a genuine concern. 

“You asked me if something was wrong this morning.” Her fingers gently rubbed over his skin.

“I did.”

Karen sighed softly and stared down at their hands. “I used to be terrified of Fisk. I’d like to think I’m not anymore but sometimes…it’s enough to keep me up at night.”

“I get it.”

Karen sighed softly and dried her hands. She swiftly started searching the cabinets for any sort of first aid kit. 

“Under the sink.”

“Thanks.” 

She was somewhat surprised at the size of his medical kit. It wasn’t small but she guessed it wasn’t big enough either for the kind of injuries he usually suffered with. “How on earth do you get by with this stuff?”

Matt shrugged. “It’s functional.”

Karen scoffed at his relaxed passive attitude. “But not practical for someone with your record.”

“I used to have someone, she’d patch me up sometimes when I needed it. She was a friend.” 

Karen paused in her search for the alcohol wipes and tried to remember the name that came to mind. “Claire.”

Matt furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Foggy tell you?”

Karen ripped open an alcohol wipe. “No. I met her. Remember?” 

“Oh.”

“According to her, ‘patching’ you up is an understatement.”

“Huh.”

“That friend of hers...Luke Cage. Seems like a good guy. The whole bulletproof thing is kinda…” Karen let out a chuckle. 

“Yeah.”

“I was a little jealous. She’d never have to worry about him coming home bleeding to death. Even Jessica Jones has healing abilities.”

“Guess it didn’t come with the package deal.” They both laughed and Karen finally finished her ministrations on his hands. “I meditate. Helps with the pain and healing.”

They stayed in the bathroom and Karen leaned against the sink with her arms crossed. She teased him with a smirk on her face, “Ah...almost forgot. You're a real life ninja.”

Matt chuckled awkwardly. “Can I get you a drink?” He knew this wouldn't be her first drink of the night.

“Why not?”

As Matt filled up two glasses Karen hung up her jacket. “Do you usually get home this late?”

“Depends. Crime has been down lately.”

“Good.” Matt handed her a glass. “Thanks.” She then proceeded to take a big gulp and relished the burn in her throat. 

Matt noticed but didn't comment. “Wanna to talk about it?”

Karen twirled around and stared out the window. “No.” She scoffed and took another big gulp. “But I need to, and you said you’d listen so…”

“I did.”

“I thought I just had terrible luck in this city. But not even bad luck could get me into the shit I’ve seen.”

“My fault.” Matt very quickly went to that dangerous mind set. His hallucination of Fisk echoed in his mind, ‘My fault. You’ll never be safe as long as I’m around.’

“No Matt, not because of you. I find trouble on my own.”

“Yes. And now because of me I’ve added to the list of people who want you dead.” There it was again, ‘You’ll kill her too.’

“I’m alive because of you. The deal you made with Fisk keeps me safe.”

“But for how long?”

“I don’t know but this guilt trip you’ve been riding. It can’t go on forever. Everyone shares the blame in a relationship and don’t say that’s not true because it is. No one forced me to see Fisk. Trying to provoke him was a stupid and now I’m on his hit list forever.” She was right and it hurt Matt to admit it. Still, her being linked to him made her susceptible to danger other than Fisk. Matt stayed quiet, this wasn’t about him, she needed to vent and he would listen. “I’ve been having...nightmares.” Karen squeezed her eyes shut and leaned against the brick wall. “I guess recently they’ve been bothering me. I used to be able to forget about them but now, I can’t even escape them during the day.”

Matt had his fair share of nightmares. “Can I ask what they're about?”

“Everything.” Kevin, Daniel, Wesley, Ben, Poindexter, Fisk. “Usually they go away...with time. But uh, now Poindexter keeps me up most nights.”

Matt saved her from Poindexter but how could he protect her from this? “Fisk cracked his spine. I heard it.”

“That doesn’t take away what he-” Biting her tongue, she held back. 

“I get them too.” Matt said to show her she wasn’t alone in the aftershocks of Fisk. 

Karen remembers the story Sister Maggie had told of Matts loneliness as a child. The nightmares that kept him up at night. What did he dream about? She offered him a weak smile. “Then I guess we both need a friend.”

They needed each other. Why else did it feel so right when they were together like this? When they didn’t have to pretend. “I need a shower but uh...stay. If you want.”

Karen didn't want to leave. She hadn’t felt this safe in months. “I'll stay.” 

Matt disappeared into the bathroom again. She was plenty aware that he could hear her from inside the bathroom. It felt like he was watching her, something she had yet to get completely used to. She laid down on the couch and her head hit the pillow. The lack of sleep was taking its toll on her and the alcohol wasn‘t helping. 

The water ran down Matt's body as he quickly washed off the grime. Matt could tell she had fallen asleep and he smirked lightly at the small sounds escaping her mouth. The whistle of the air between her lips and the slowing of her heart rate. 

He made sure to take the world's quickest shower then dressed in an old t-shirt with sweatpants tucked into his socks. The nights were getting colder and his heater couldn’t seem to keep up. 

His footsteps were light across the floorboards as he slowly sat down on a chair across from her. He took advantage of the quiet moment, well as quiet as it could be with his neighbor across the hall snoring and the pipes creaking and the electricity buzzing constantly. But there was also the perfect presence of Karen. Her sleeping gave him the time to appreciate the small things about her. 

He heard her breathing pattern change and she mumbled sleepily, “You died. In my dream. Guess it had felt too real not to come here to make sure that these past few months haven’t been a dream too.” Her eyes opened. She didn’t give him a chance to respond. “Foggy said you got upset today.”

She dreamed about him? About his death? Matt wasn’t sure how to feel about that. “It was nothing. Just a...disagreement.”

He never was a good liar. “That doesn’t help. You brushing over stuff like that only worries me more.”

She couldn’t really make out his expression but he got up and draped the blanket that was always on the back of the sofa over her. She could see him more cleary now. His hair was wet...like the night they first kissed.

He rested a hand on her shoulder and his thumb caressed the area gently. “Get some sleep.”

She knew he was just trying to avoid the topic but he couldn’t have been more clearer. She saw right through him. “You can tell me when you're ready.”

Matt was sure she would have this kind of attitude if she only knew the argument between him and Foggy had been about her. He had regretted the whole interaction as soon as he had left the office. Especially his harsh words. Foggy was right this time. Being honest with Karen was more crucial than ever. Their friendship was stable but at any moment something could push it over the edge. Tomorrow he'd tell her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd leave it on that. Next chapter will feature Maggie! Love exploring her character. Im kinda really going in for the slow burn. At first this story was just going to be a simple 'getting back together story.' Instead I just love the idea of them getting to know each other again with pesky sexual tension. It'll happen eventually, I promise, but certain conversations need to happen first.


	9. Chapter 9

“I don’t have much in the way of food but I uh, made you some coffee.”

“Thank you.”

Matt nodded and went to finish making his bed. Karen took a sip of the steaming cup of coffee and smiled lightly when she noticed it was exactly how she liked it. She then took immense pleasure in watching Matt do something so mundane. “You like things tidy.”

Matt chuckled at her observation. “Messes can be a safety hazard, you know with the whole blind thing.”

“Right…” She dragged out the word with a smile.

Matt was almost done getting dressed so he grabbed a tie and hung it around his neck. Karen's hands itched to do it for him. An excuse to be close to him. 

“Your phone is ringing.”

“Oh.” She hurried over to her purse that was hanging up and dug for her phone. The screen read ‘Ellison.’ She held it in her hand and let it go to voicemail. Letting it go to voicemail was better than letting Matt hear all about her dinner plans for tonight. 

Matt finished with his tie and the winter coat and scarf came next. Karen turned to him and figured he was about to leave. 

“Going somewhere?”

“Uh, yeah. It’s Sunday.” Ever since seeing reconciling with Maggie he had tried to make a point of going to Mass but he usually failed in doing so. Partly because he slept in, forgot or didn’t have enough energy to face Maggie. “I have to go but uh, stay as long as you need.”

Karen ran a hand through her messy hair. “Yeah, sorry about last night I uh...don’t know what that was about.”

“No, don’t worry about it.”

“Well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow.” As he passed her he felt the need to tell her about the other night growing with every step. 

Her sweet voice stopped him,“Hey Matt?”

“Hm?”

“Um, Foggy mentioned to me yesterday that you might have something you want to tell me. Is that true?” Foggy hadn't been subtle so Karen knew it was true but it was best to let him answer.

His hand was already on the door. His courage from before gone, now replaced with the itch to sneak away. 

“That’s a yes then.”

Of course Foggy would say something. She wouldn't stop until he told her. “I have to go but uh, Mass is only an hour. I could meet you after?”

Karen smiled at the prospect of being alone with him. “Sure. That diner we like?”

“Yeah. I’ll call you.”

“Great. And uh, tell Sister Maggie hello for me.”

“Of course.”

_____

Matt kneeled and crossed himself before entering the pew. It was one toward the back but it was still crowded since this was Sunday mass. He could hear Maggie working with the other nuns as they filed in the children from the orphanage. She was fussing with one of the children when he wouldn’t stop conversing with his friends. He remembered his time at St. Agnes. The memories, good and bad were now tainted. Every moment he had grown up here had been under the illusion that he was alone. No family, no friends. But his own mother had been so close the whole time. The betrayal still hurt. It was cruel really, the way God had answered his prayers by giving him a family in the form of Foggy, Karen and Maggie when he finally gave up hope. They came to him when he was at his lowest and by effect saved him from himself. Then he had no choice to accept them, including Sister Maggie...his mom.

No matter how much he'd changed over the years Maggie was still the same. Her tough love and dedication to the church never wavered. 

“Hush now, save all that talk for recess.” The children continued to whisper quietly amongst themselves when Sister Maggie wasn't looking. “Boys, do you want to sit next to me?” The corner of Matt's mouth curved upward at the boys’ silence. “Sister Anne could you save me a seat? I forgot my bible.”

As Maggie walked down the aisle it was impossible for her not to see him. The sight of her son sitting there threw her off her usual balance and ridgid composure. A family of four had sat next to him and the parents were fussing with their children. They were about ten and twelve. Then, it was as if Maggie went back twenty years. She gazed at Matthew and did not see the grown man he was but the angry ten year old child that had come back to her more broken than she had left him. 

She changed her course and Matt scooted over slightly to make room for her. Maggie took his offer and calmly sat there. “It's nice to see you here. And with minimal injuries.”

“Thought I’d look my Sunday best.”

“Good to know you at least retained that. You didn’t come last week or the week before that. I tried not to worry.” She knew full well that their relationship and interactions needed to be initiated by him. He would come around when he was ready.

“Been busy.”

“Too busy for God?” Maggie sensed there was more to his absence than ‘business.’ “I’ve been wanting to introduce you to Father Murphy. Maybe after Mass?”

Matt's smile was tight and tense. Anyone but Father Lantom didn't sit well with him. “Maybe next time.”

Maggie understood his reservations. Father Lantom was all he had known since he was a child. “He’s a nice man. Paul and him were good friends. I think you’ll like him.”

“That’s good.”

His short responses didn’t scare Maggie away. In fact, she offered small talk until Mass started. Then when it began, she didn’t get up to leave to join the other nuns or grab the Bible he knew she had been on her way to get. 

The new priest, Father Murphy spoke, “Every Sunday I am filled with immense joy at how the people of Hell’s Kitchen fill up this very church. This community and its suffering these past months have been hard on all of us. The loss of our very own, Father Paul Lantom, is still an aching wound but I know he would be proud of our congregation. The best thing we can do to celebrate his life is to come together in Christ.”

Maggie reached and grabbed his hand. Her touch jolted him inside. The act felt familiar, so natural. He stayed very still, unsure how to respond but he didn’t pull away. When it was all over, Maggie excused herself to assist the other nuns in walking the children to the playground outside. Matt waited for her in the pew. 

He could hear someone close, and they hesitated before approaching him. “You must be Matthew Murdock.”

Matt turned his head sharply in the direction of the voice to make it seem like he was startled by the new presence. “Excuse me?”

“I’m afraid we have yet to meet. I’m Father Murphy. Sister Maggie told me you’ve been coming here a long time.”

Maggie talked about him? “Grew up here.”

“I heard that too. I assume you knew Paul well. Most did.”

“I did.” Matt wasn’t exactly in the mood to put up an act in front of Father Murphy. He never had to pretend with Father Lantom. “The sermon was nice.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. Oh, there she is. She came back for you.”

Maggie approached them. “Kevin, I see you’ve met Matthew.”

“Yes. I'll leave you to catch up.” He stood up. “I hope to see you around Matthew.”

“Of course.”

He left them in the empty church. “Are you busy? I can make you some coffee or…”

“I’m meeting Karen.”

“Oh. That’s nice. Is it far? I can walk you.”

“It’s a couple blocks, I’m sure your-”

“I have time.”

“Great.”

It was quiet for a bit as they walked down the busy street. Most avoided him at the sight of his cane but every now and then someone would bump into him. He would have to hold back the urge to move out of the way. The silence was uncomfortable. He hated it. Before he knew the truth their conversations had come easy, natural but now their interactions were strained.

“Karen says hello.” Matt offered to start.

“Hm...I thought you were just friends.”

Matt laughs and her inquiry. “We are.”

“That smile on your face says differently.” That was the second time someone’s mentioned his ‘face.’ Did he really make a face when thinking about Karen? “You say you're busy. The firm is doing well?”

“Yeah. It’s keeping us on our toes.”

“It makes me so happy and relieved to see you like this. Doing normal, non dangerous activities. You were always the smartest kid in class. And the grumpiest.” She laughed. “I wondered where it came from. Certainly not me. I never had the patience for academics.”

Matt ignored her comments about his childhood. “So you became a teacher.”

“Well, it came with it.”

They slowly started to relax in each other’s company. 

“How are things with your friends?”

“Better. I think.”

“You think? Did something happen?”

“No. Not really, but maybe. I don't know...I kept something from Karen. She’s made enemies and I had to...step in.”

“So you hid from her something I am understanding to be important…”

“She’s told me to back off before and I’m sure if I had told her she would’ve wanted to deal with it herself. I dont know, its stupid.”

“Not stupid.”

“You don't know Karen, she's stubborn.”

“Hmm…sounds familiar.”

“And strong, and smart and...she can protect herself but I want to do that for her. I do it every day for strangers. Having these abilities...what's the point if I cant use them to protect the people I love?”

“So your problem is caring too much? Nothing wrong with that. I’m sure they worry about you just as much.”

“I guess.”

“Be honest Matthew, are you making an effort here for yourself or them?”

Sounded like a trick question. Matt tilted his head toward her with a sarcastic smirk. “What’s the right answer?”

“There is no right answer.”

“I want what’s best for them which is their safety. They want to know everything but they don’t know my world as well as they think. Sometimes...sometimes it’s better if I hide the darkest parts.”

“You can’t hold it in forever. It’ll destroy you.”

“I’ve been doing it my whole life.”

“And look where that got you.”

“The embodiment of Catholic guilt.”

“That sarcasm and deflecting won’t get you anywhere with me. That guilt means you have unfinished business. Lying is a sin. Luckily for you, The Lord forgives all our sins with the hope that we learn from them. It's called free will and that is a lesson you have failed to learn.”

“Guess that’s what confession is for.”

“Oh stop it!”

Matt chuckled, “Kidding.”

“They’re good kids. It gives me comfort knowing they care for you. When you left for school I believed I’d never see you again.”

“Then I end up half dead on your doorstep.” Yes, the conventional mother-son reunion.

Maggie pursed her lips. “And more pissed off than ever.”

“You could have told me.”

“Yes, I should have. Would it have hurt less?”

“No.”

_____

Karen was upset, at least that’s what it felt like to Matt. Her muscles were tense and he could smell a hint of fear on her skin. As soon as they had sat down in the booth he started spilling what happened the other night. At first, she’d been taken aback by his sudden outburst of honesty. Usually he'd have to warm up before spilling his secrets. 

“I appreciate you telling me. I just-why did you need Foggy to push you?”

“Honestly, I don't have a good reason. You deserved to know.”

Karen let out a breath. “Well yeah, I'd like to know if someones out for my head. But I can't say it surprises me, with my record of pissing people off.”

Matt smiled wide, making her stomach do flips. “That is something you’re exceptional at.” Karen rolled her eyes at his comment. 

“If Foggy hadn't you know, interfered, would you have ever told me?”

Matt's expression was shielded from Karen but she read his silence as a hard ‘no.’ Karen sighed deeply and stared out the window. “I thought we were past this Matt. You don't need to protect me, not when it comes to this.”

Matt was on the defense now. “I-I would have told you...eventually.”

“Eventually?” Matt cringed at her hash tone. It had been a half lie in his mind. “What you do...is your business. I know me and Foggy have been...pushy lately but we just want to make sure you're okay. The ideal scenario would be for you to be transparent with us. Or at least as honest as you can be. Ultimately, it's your decision what you share with us but this Matt? I have a right to know.”

It was always the same. “You don't trust me.”

“No that's not-”

“Your right not to.”

“Matt…”

“Every promise I made to you was broken. Deliberately.” Karen stared at the brown liquid in her cup intensely. “But I’m trying to make up for that.”

“Then you understand that secrets, don't keep me safe, they make me vulnerable.”

“I’m trying.” Matt repeated with desperation in his voice.

Karen rubbed her nose anxiously. “Is there uh-is there anything else that you might uh, want to tell me?” She took her shot, as weak as it was. If Matt was all the sudden voluntarily offering up information then she’d make the most of it. 

Matt didn’t understand what she meant. “What do you mean?”

“Nevermind. Uh, how was Maggie?”

“Good.”

“That’s good.” She sensed Matt was uncomfortable with the subject of his mother. Fair enough. “Well I’m glad you two are connecting...or whatever you call it I guess.”

“Yeah no, things are good. She’s doing her best and I guess I am too.”

A small smile formed on her face. Oh what she would do to see her mom again. To have a family again. “I’m happy for you. I really am. So, who were those assholes?”

“I don’t know much. They knew where the office was. They were planning some attack on you.”

Fear chilled her spine. “Fisk?”

“No. It seemed personal.”

“Any names?”

Matt did get names but the last thing he needed was Karen hunting them down. “No.” The lie had come easy. Too easy. 

“Anything else? Any way you could identify them?”

Matt would know if he saw them again just by their stench. “No but whatever they were planning they’re gone now.”

Karen studied his hands that hand clenched on the table. The knuckles turned white against the tough skin. She couldn’t help the curiosity biting at her heels. “What did you do?”

“They won’t bother you if that’s what you're worried about.”

“I’m not worried.” Matt knew that was a lie. “So tell me.” Matt smirked and took a sip of his coffee. His expression said it all. Staring at him in disbelief, mouth wide open. 

“Huh, I guess I could check Metro General. Maybe they ended up there after you tossed them around.”

Matt wanted to tell her no. Tell her to leave it alone. But he wasn’t the boss of her. Besides, no matter what he told her she’d do whatever the hell she wanted anyway. 

Karen leaned forward slightly and lowered her voice. The diner was mostly empty beside the waitress making her rounds. “Are you worried that it might look suspicious if word comes out that Daredevil is looking out for me?”

It was a reasonable concern. Everyone that read the paper knew Karen Page had history with Daredevil and Fisk. But Matt would be damned if he let that be a reason he let her get hurt. “Maybe but I help people that need it. And you need a lot of it sometimes. I’m sure half the city and the NYPD know that by now.”

“Well, thank you. Again.” She’d lost track by now of how many times he protected her.

“You don’t have to thank me.”

Karen rolled her eyes. “Just accept the gratitude.”

The waitress stopped by with their food and refilled their coffee. Comfortable silence ensued as they ate. 

“So, your apartment looked nice.”

Matt raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “Does it not always look nice?”

“That was the first time I’d been there since the FBI trashed the place.”

“Oh.” He was reminded again of her house watching his place. He still didn’t understand why she did that. 

“I'm glad to finally have a day off. Seems like the office is always busy these days.”

“Yeah. It’s a good change of pace. I’m glad I get to spend some time with you.” Karen’s breath changed as she gasped so quietly a normal person wouldn't have heard. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I like spending time with you too.”

Was this the encouragement he’d been searching for? He felt like the night he had tried to kiss her. He didn’t think about the consequences. “Can I ask you something?”

“Fire away.”

“How would you feel if-” He was cut off by the ringing of her phone. 

Karen hesitated before digging into her purse. Debating whether to answer it in front of him. If it was Ellison again he would for sure mention Jason. Sure enough the screen read ‘Ellison.’ She canceled the call and sent him a quick text. 

Matt had deflated. His courage and confidence long gone. “That’s the second time you haven’t answered your phone.”

Karen waved her hand. “Oh, it’s just Ellison.”

“Important then?”

“He's not my boss anymore. He just likes to look after me sometimes.” Her phone dinged again. The text message wrote, ‘Jason had to cancel. Work stuff.’ She surprised herself by signing in relief. 

“Everything okay?”

Karen stuffed her phone back in her purse. No more distractions. “Yeah. Anyways, what were you saying?” 

“Oh, it’s nothing.” 

“Okay...how’s nightlife? Anything interesting?” 

“If you count the occasional violent drunk as interesting.”

“What about organized crime?”

There had been some high activity at the docks lately but nothing incriminating. Whatever it was they were keeping it quiet so he’d been keeping a look out for trafficking and dealers. “Nothing serious. Why?”

“With Fisk gone I figured someone would take over the playing field. It’s a big city.”

“I’ve been keeping tabs on Vanessa. She owns an art gallery now. Seems like it was the last and only thing Fisk was able to acquire before his assets at Red Lion were frozen.”

Karen scoffed. It was no secret Vanessa had ordered Nadeem's death. “How is that justice?”

“It’s not. But I can handle it if it keeps you safe.”

“It won’t hold him forever Matt. And if Vanessa is anything like her husband she won’t give up either.”

“Let’s just take it one day at a time.”

“One day at a time…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer I swear. At least I think they are. I feel like I have so many ideas that I can't possibly fit them all in before they get back together. For now just enjoy this slow burn.


End file.
